Dog Eat Dog – or What Comes Around …..

This isn’t my story. In all fairness I know there are stories on both sides of the equation, but I don’t date women so I only know this side.  I’ve asked for my guy friends to spill and they have so I’ll integrate them as I go.  I’m going to tell this in first person, as it was relayed to me, it’s easier. 

This was from a guy who I was dating right after my split. He was in the same place so there was a tacit understanding we were seeing other people.  Well, it was tacit on his part, on my part I became part of that pact when it dawned on me that was the deal. After he told me this story I thought, good, that’s what you get for seeing other people. I was under the impression when he got tired of dating, which he did, and we had a history and good times under our belts, which we did, he would turn to me to be monogamous with, which he didn’t.  This was a fallacy I had to learn a few times the hard way – they don’t turn to one of the women  they’re seeing, they turn to someone new. Someone who hasn’t witnessed or been subject to what might be called ‘bad behaviour’ even if they agreed to it. “Sure honey, you need time and space, take it, I’m here.”  That kind of thing.  Don’t kid yourself  and trust me on this one.

Anyway. This one wasn’t about me, was it?  Oh yeah.  So here goes, his story.

(Short preface: this guy left his marriage but left the house to the wife and kids. As a result was couch surfing until the kids went to school or the house was otherwise sold, basically making himself a pauper so they could all stay in the house. So set up, he’s on a friend’s couch which is why he never had had me over…but he had over this other woman….ok, like I said, this isn’t about me.)

So this woman I was talking to online invites herself over to make dinner for me and I went grocery shopping and got what she told me [Ok, some obvious red flags here: yet to meet, invites herself over, makes you buy the groceries….just sayin’]  So she shows up and has a little dog with her.  I pour some wine, chatting her up while she’s making dinner but the dog wants to play.  And play.  Imagine a little head keeps popping up from the other side of the counter, yapping, wanting attention.  She says, oh play with him he’s jealous.  So now I’m trying to entertain the dog and chat her up at the same time.  She’s not noticing.  [Just like she didn’t notice how rude it is to bring a dog to someone’s home without asking.  Someone you don’t know.  Someone who you made buy groceries for your dinner.  Just sayin’]

So now the dog is running around like a maniac and I’m trying to pay attention to it to shut it up because otherwise it starts yapping and it’s a condo, you know? It gets worse to the point where she’s in the kitchen cooking and I’m literally just entertaining the dog.  Finally the dog kind of disappears.  No more yapping, no more little head popping up.  I return to the kitchen to see where I can get with the chef. Things are starting to simmer. At last.

[Aside: once when I was young I was babysitting an infant who was crying, crying, crying while I was changing her and suddenly she stopped. I thought, oh thank god, but then I noticed she was blue. I turned her upside and walloped on her back until she started crying again. I was 14, what did I know? The parents came home and took her out to dinner with them. Laissez faire, to say the least.  My point is silence is NOT always golden. Hang with me here.]

I think to myself, I’m going to just go check myself in the bathroom which is in the roommate’s bedroom.  As I enter the bedroom I see that the dog has peed on the bed.  Not my bed, but the bed of the nice guy who out of the goodness of his heart is letting me stay here for free.  ANGRY, YA THINK??!!!!  The chef just laughs and says, oh that Fido.  I am madly mopping it up with paper towels and Fido wants to play again.  Furious doesn’t begin to go there. [See what you get? Just sayin’]

At this point I’m less about getting her on the couch than just getting her out of the house, but there’s dinner to be had and Fido wants to play again.  This time I ignore him. He pees on the rug.  More mad cleaning, more oblivion from the owner.  Is this happening? [Yes Romeo, see what a good catch I am? I don’t even have a dog. Well, not here with me right now.] Finally she leaves, I don’t think she understood why the date ended after dinner.

[I understand. It’s because you get what you deserve for not hankering down with me and I’m so perfect.  Or at least dogless and I wouldn’t ask you to buy the groceries.]

So nuts go on both sides of the seesaw.  It didn’t stop him from internet dating but it was close to another 2 years before I got invited over. I think in fairness at that point, no one else was invited over either. When I finally got there he made me dinner. I brought the pot – not the kind you cook in. There were no dogs involved.  I thought it was a fair deal.


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